THIS JUST IN

In an open forum of questions today in Manhattan, KS, President Bush admitted that he has yet to see Brokeback Mountain.

Eye-witnesses say that more than half of those in the audience suffered cardiac arrest, most likely due to the pure shock of hearing such a confession.

The president also later admitted to never having heard 'NSYNC's sophomore album No Strings Attached, thus sending another 28 people to the hospital complaining of "sharp, stabbing chest pains."

A total of 72 people lost their lives in what has ended up being the deadliest presidential appearance since Clinton spoke at Mother Saint Mary's Sacred Heart of the Blessed Covenant of the Holy Trinity of God, an all-girls prep-school.