A Tad Confused

Just so I'm understanding this properly....

Asking questions about a presidential candidate's relationship with a domestic terrorist who is on record saying he "wished he bombed more" is a no-no and something the media will avoid at all costs, but...

... Delving into the life of a private citizen who was approached by said presidential candidate (and subsequently taken to task on certain tax policies by said citizen) to uncover God knows what is somehow relevant to this election process and is a story that deserves the keenest of eyes so that we, as Americans, can make the most informed decision on November 4th.

Am I missing something?

On Hobbies and Prejudices

Florida Democratic Representative Alcee Hastings, one of only 6 federal judges to ever be impeached in the history of our nation (for perjury and obstruction of justice), decided to impart some of his insightful wisdom about Sarah Palin at the National Jewish Democratic Council yesterday.  

... anybody toting guns and stripping moose don’t care too much about what they do with Jews and blacks.

Awww.... snap!

Truth to power, that is.  I mean, let's be honest.  Every last person with a gun license only has that license because they fear the black man.  And those moose strippers?  They only do that because stripping the Jews became such a big no-no back in the late 30s, early 40s.

I mean, Hitler was a vegetarian who liked to paint.  That's why people think the Holocaust never happened.  No broccoli-eating Bob Ross wannabe could possibly coordinate the mass extermination of an entire race of people.  It's just not in their nature.

Gun-toting, moose strippers though....  They are out to oppress and just can't seem to bleach the animal blood out of their long, white robes fast enough.

So many inner-city synagogues.  So few burning crosses....

I Got An Email From Joe Biden!!

I am officially now a part of the Washington "in" crowd. Yeah, that's right. Joe Biden and I are chums....

Apparently, when one goes to check out Obama's website to see if one can actually determine where The One stands on any one particular issue, one must enter one's email to access the site.

So, wanting to be the most informed voter I can, I did just that. 24 hours later... (my thoughts are in bold.)

Friend -- (Awww.... warm fuzzies.)

John McCain just accepted the Republican nomination and adopted the most conservative platform in the history of his party. (James Lipton voice: Conservatives... behaving... conservatively. ... Brilliant.)

After days of negative attacks (I know, right? Your pals over at Obama HQ/MSNBC really laid into Palin and her family. Brutal stuff. But hey... this is how the game is played.) -- and no mention of real proposals to fix our economy, get more people health care, or make America safer (Now, now. Don't bite the hand that veep's you. Obama's speech, while typically vague and unfocused, was pretty darn good.) -- the party that brought you eight years of disastrous policies is asking for four more. (OH! .... You were talking about the RNC? My bad....)

Well, not if we have anything to say about it. (And from what I've heard, you don't.)

Across this nation, people like you have joined this movement because you believe that we are better than the past eight years. (Actually, I "joined" this "movement" because I've been trying to figure out what your buddy is going to do about... anything.) And now that we are entering the final stretch, it's going to take all of us to bring the change we need. (Can't argue with ya' there, Joey. This election is the Dems' to loose, and have you seen the poll numbers??)

Step up at this crucial moment and make a donation of $5 or more to change our country. (Uhhh, no. Just bought a couple McCain/Palin bumper stickers, so I'm tapped out.)

After the last eight years, it's up to you to keep America's promise alive. (Unlike third tri-mester babies.... Those are never promising. And I wasn't aware the promise was dead. In need of some anti-biotics, maybe. But you're talking like it's on life-support.)

How can John McCain pull us out of the deep hole we're in when he voted with George Bush more than 90% of the time?

The American people deserve more than a 10% chance at change. (It's only been a week and you guys have thoroughly bludgeoned this percentage sound-bite to death. I'm ready for a change please.)

No matter what McCain says, we can't bring about change by relying on the same ideas that have failed us for the last eight years. (Odd, considering that if you look at the speeches your boss and McCain gave, they bear some striking similarities. Some passages almost word for word.)

Show the McCain campaign that people coming together, giving what they can afford, and working toward a common purpose will transform this country. (I'd love to join in that gathering, but I believe I'll be outside checking the pressure on my tires while simultaneously stemming the rising waters and wrapping the world in gauze so as to heal the earth.)

Change begins with you. Please make a donation of $5 or more now: (See above bumper stickers.)

https://donate.barackobama.com/changeweneed

Thanks for everything you're doing, (You're welcome.)

Joe (Why didn't the Big O send this? Is he out getting gauze too?)

Open Letter To The Lovely Ms. Kern

Dear Sally,

I'm sure you're pretty busy lately as word continues to spread about some remarks you made concerning homosexuality "being a bigger threat than terrorism," but on the off chance you have a moment, there is one fairly large and glaring discrepancy that, being a homosexual myself, I'd like to clear up.  Pull up a seat, and get comfy, because this is obviously going to come as a shock to you.

...

We don't actively kill people.

I'm not sure what news your getting out there in Oklahoma, but I've yet to see groups of gays banding together and beheading people.  Maybe I just need to pay more attention.  Maybe my local news is under gay-control and won't run with those types of stories for fear of being tortured with Streisand CDs.  ... Or maybe it's just not happening.

It's a tad distressing to see an elected official unable to make this distinction of what constitutes a threat.  Perhaps if you spent less time trying to ban books from libraries, you'd realize that there truly is real evil in this world.  It's the same evil that brought us 9/11.  The same evil that visited Madrid and London.  The same evil that our troops are constantly fighting over in the Middle East.

You've apparently been receiving some death threats in response to your remarks.  And while I do not condone them, I can see where they come from.  I'm not one that has ever actively defended the gay community.  I find much of what they do to be ridiculous and counter-productive.  However, when we are compared to those who torture and murder for a god and are decided to be worse than those people....  I must stand with my fellow gays.

You justify your remarks in that it's not the actual gay people, it's their sin that you despise.  I will counter that by saying it is not you, but this pervasive attitude of fear towards homosexuals that I despise.  It is an attitude that is rooted in religion and ignorance.  I do not see you changing either of those.

I look forward to the day those attitudes are no longer a part of this world.

The Gayelles Are Coming

Good Lord.

A Group of lesbians who are unhappy with the title have launched a world-wide movement to change the name of their sexuality to “gayelle”. Websites devoted to the change are springing up, with the motivation said to be a “persistent distaste for the word lesbian.”

A persistent distaste for the word "lesbian"? Is that what the homosexual community is now focusing on? What words we find distasteful? I know, I know. I shouldn't be shocked.

C'mon, folks. If you are the type of person to be so easily offended by a word, then my guess is that your issues run a tad deeper than Webster's Dictionary.

The word lesbian is antiquated; it is not representative of modern times,
and or, of persons with modern views. Lesbian does not sound cheerful and fun,
nor does it mean merry, like the word gay does....

It. Is. A. WORD! Sweet baby Jesus in a manger. Stop letting combinations of the alphabet define your happiness in this world. Be proud of who you are because you are you. Not because one aspect of your being is described by a word that a few deem "antiquated" or "not fun". Go out and make your sweet, female homosexual love, get on with your damn life, and stop choosing these ridiculously stupid battles!

Besides. Does this....

... really conjure up images of a "gayelle"?

"Snuggles" Won't Get You Whipped

UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown said Tuesday that officials were working to secure the early release of a British teacher who faces being whipped in Sudan after she allowed her class to name a teddy bear "Mohammed."

Brilliant. I'm not quite sure which is more upsetting. The once-again over reaction of the religion of "peace" (Seriously.... Whipping a teacher?), or the fact that these children are unaware that you should only name a teddy bear "Mohammed" if there's a bomb strapped to it.



P.S. - Allah. If you're reading this.... Put the stones down my friend. .... It's just art.

4-Year Old Goes Motorboatin'

And rightly gets suspended from school for it.

.... La Vega Independent School District stated his son, who was 4 years old at the time, was involved in "inappropriate physical behavior interpreted as sexual contact and/or sexual harassment" after the boy hugged a teacher's aide and "rubbed his face in the chest of (the) female employee" on Nov. 10.

Pay no mind to the logistics of a teacher's aide bending over to hug a child, resulting in her fun pillows hovering in the immediate vicinity of the child's face.

No... this is cut-and-dry toddler harassment. 4-year old boys are notorious for their sick objectification of women and their breasts and have repeatedly, throughout history, made every attempt to use their own "innocence" as a means to lure unsuspecting females down to their level, where upon the ridiculously young man-boy will thrust his face into her bosom and shamelessly perform raspberries.

Too long has the public turned a blind eye to this type of horrific and demeaning sex-crime. And while I applaud the school district for taking a stand and suspending the child, I fear the punishment is far too light and sends the wrong message. It will only encourage boys, who already look for every opportunity to get out of school, to do so by burying their face in their teacher's tots.

No.... The only way to deal with this type of pre-pubescent deviant is extensive and methodical "community service" as a Congressional page.

Eye for an eye, as they say.

In The Guy's Defense, The Deer Didn't Say, "No"

.... But in the deer's defense, it's hard to protest unwanted sex when you're dead.*

Bryan James Hathaway, 20, of Superior faces a misdemeanor charge of sexual gratification with an animal. He is accused of having sex with a dead deer he saw beside Stinson Avenue on Oct. 11.

Hathaway's lawyer argues that there is no crime, as his client had sex with a carcass... not an animal, which he argues is defined as a living thing.

This is one of those things for me that's just so out-there, I find it difficult to take a position. The guy obviously wasn't harming the deer, but having intercourse with a dead animal is... well it's just not right. So, if bestiality laws are in place to protect the animal (which I'm pretty sure is the case), this guy technically did nothing wrong.

But he effed a carcass. Which, quite frankly, just doesn't sit well with me. However... how do you punish someone who's fucked a dead deer? Is there something out there that's even more degrading and pathetic?

Actually, yes there is. You could fuck the 4 day old cadaver of your girlfriend's dead dog in full view of a day-care center.

* Requires free poopy registration, but kinda' worth it for the article.

"V" Is For Vaginal Douche

Some people....

When an agent asked if “V” would remove his mask for identification purposes, “V” explained that would defeat the very purpose of the mask, which was to give expression to the fact that the nation was becoming a police state, that too many people were becoming afraid to be identified as dissenters or protestors, and that this was not in the long term interest of a free people.

Now, I have no problem if you wanna' parade around DC in your Guy Fawkes get-up while handing out your governmental redresses, but don't be a fuckin' retard by claiming that we're living in a police state while you freely and publicly exercise your 1st Amendment rights.

This was apparently just a dry run. Hundreds of V's were set to descend upon Washington today. I'll keep ya' posted.

Does This Seem Light To Anyone Else?

Cops discovered what appeared to be classified documents from a nuclear weapons lab while on a drug raid. The FBI was notified after the documents turned up while arresting a scientist in connection with a methamphetamine investigation.

Again.... Classified documents. From a nuclear weapons lab. In a residential home. Of an alleged meth dealer.

Here's the kicker though:

The federal charge of unauthorized removal and retention of classified material is a misdemeanor that carries a maximum sentence of a year in prison and up to a $100,000 fine.

A year? 365 days? For boosting classified documents? Maximum?? Yeah, the 100 grand puts it in perspective a bit. Maybe....

Hat-tip: Chris who knows all about baseball.

Too Fat To Die

Jeffrey Lundgren, a clut leader who's sitting on death row, has been granted a delay in execution so he can pursue a lawsuit contesting the state's use of lethal injection.

In his request to join the lawsuit, Lundgren, 56, said he is at even greater risk of experiencing pain and suffering during the procedure than other inmates because he is overweight and diabetic.

And God forbid Jeffrey experience some pain and suffering for murdering a family of 5 because Jesus told him to. The lawsuit argues:

...that the way chemicals used in lethal injection are administered makes the process painful enough to amount to cruel and unusual punishment, in violation of the constitution.

Quite frankly, I've never understood the concept of criminal's rights. Laws are in effect to keep peace and civility. You violate that, and you're "right" to be protected by them is null and void. I don't care if J.C. was in on it or not. The "cruel" part I can wrap my brain around. I just couldn't give two shits how much it hurts you. The "unusual" bit perplexes me though. What is unusual punishment? It's not like we draw-and-quarter people any more. Iron maiden's are no longer en vouge. Is giving someone a shot really all that abnormal?

I think that instead of protecting criminals from receiving "cruel and unusual" punishment, that we should bestow upon them the right to be given "quick and standard" punishment. A gunshot to the back of the head would do the trick. And the effectiveness of this new method wouldn't hinge upon any medical conditions you may or may not have - such as your body's inability to produce insulin.

Everybody can take part!

You die quick, and my tax dollars can then go to the next death-row inmate who wants lobster and filet mignon for his last meal.

... And The Pussifying Continues

An elementary school south of Boston has banned "tag" and other recess games involving the life threatening activity of chasing for fear they might be held responsible for any injuries.

Recess is "a time when accidents can happen," said Willett Elementary School Principal Gaylene Heppe, who approved the ban.

Hate to break this too you Gaylene, but accidents can happen any time, not just during recess. That's why they're called accidents- they're unintended and pop up out of the blue.

Unfortunately, I have a hard time laying this entirely at the feet of the school's administration. Lawsuits are quickly replacing parent-teacher conferences as mom and dad continue to shift the accountability of their kids onto the school's and teachers. And while there is an inherent responsibility that all schools share for keeping kids as safe as possible while they are under their care, they cannot and should not be liable for every bump and bruise that happens on the playground.

Banning tag isn't going to keep that school accident free any more than the advent of air-bags lowered the number of drunk drivers on the road.

It's an action that is being taken to preemptively cover the asses of the administrators and in turn will prevent kids from doing what they're best at... being kids.

T.O.: Kiddie Book Author

Yeah, I laughed too. But it's true.

Little T Learns To Share will hit bookshelves next month. From the Amazon description:

Young children will learn an important and valuable lesson about sharing through this wonderfully illustrated and fun book written by NFL star Terrell Owens. Little T is a boy who doesn't want to share his new football; he is afraid that his friends might mess it up. When he tries to play by himself, however, he realizes that football isn't any fun alone. Thanks to his mother's good advice, he wins back his friends, and learns the virtue of sharing and the importance of being fair.

In other ironic publishing news, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is also hopping on the children's lit bandwagon with Little Ahmed Learns To Not Detonate Himself In The Public Market. From the CoD? description:

Young Palestinians will learn an important and valuable lesson about the dangers of suicide bombings through this hilarious and quite charming book written by the current president of Iran. Little Ahmed is a boy who wants nothing more than kill Israelis; he's afraid he might not get to Paradise otherwise. After watching his older brother test out a C4-vest grandma made him, however, he quickly realizes that he's too young to bang the 72 virgins anyway.

Look for them both to be battling it out for the #1 Bestseller title.