WWPD?

This morning, I walked into my bathroom to discover an unpleasant, annoying, albeit a rather common scene.  I had to ask myself... 

... What would Palin do?

* Please do not ask where the magazine came from.  Getting roommates off of Craigslist opens the door to the craziest of crazies.

Runs In The Family

This is pretty much as non-news as you can get, but I just found it funny that Britney's younger sis is preggers.

Even more amusing is her and her boyfriend's apparent disbelief.

"It was a shock for both of us, so unexpected," she said. "I was in complete and total shock and so was he."

Now I'm not sure where Louisana's sex-ed ranks on a scale of quality and comprehensiveness, but one would think that even Britney could have imparted the age-old wisdom of the birds and the bees along to her sister.

Guess she was too wrapped up in stealing lighters.

Coming Out Of The Woodwork

Everything is proceeding as planned. The homosexual agenda to take over the world with gays, trannies, and lesbos is nearing completion. A couple weeks ago, Grey's Anatomy star T.R. Knight announced his role in the conspiracy. And today, another pawn has moved into place. Check-mate is near.

Doogie Howser, M.D.... is a fag.

The 33-year-old actor said he was motivated to disclose his sexuality because of recent "speculation and interest in my private life and relationships."

Once we have Scott Baio, the end of the Hetero Age will be nigh. A new era will dawn, complete with chiffon throw-pillows, track lighting, and Madonna.

Mark my words. The day is closer than you think....

Dixie Chicks Fight Global Warming

.... But not the way you'd hope.

A third of the way through their 50-city, 2006 Accidents and Accusations concert tour, the group has announced that it will partner with Conservation International (CI) to offset the carbon footprint associated with the tour.

Now, a carbon footprint is defined as: a measure of the impact human activities have on the environment in terms of the amount of green house gases produced, measured in units of carbon dioxide.

Seeing as how humans produce CO2 just by exhaling, I had hoped that this announcement meant that they'd not only be cancelling their tour in exchange for early retirement, but would also be shutting the eff up for the remainder of their existence.

Oh well. Maybe they'll at least refrain from using their celebrity as a political soapbox and just stick to Dueling Banjos.

And maybe the bitch above me will listen to something other than "Leaving on a Jet-Plane" and "Gold Digger" in a continuous loop for hours and hours on end while tossing bowling pins on the floor as she gracefully tap dances her 738 pound frame across the hardwood floor in some designer concrete clogs.

.... Right.