A Comedy Goldmine

Conspiracy Theorists Say The Darndest Things. It's truly unbelievable. I could post just about every single one, they're so good. I'll try and restrain myself.

First, a new twist on the JFK thing:

Tonya Harding assassinated John F. Kennedy in her previous life as Lee Harvey Oswald. Both Oswald and his victim, President Kennedy, have returned in this life as figure skaters Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan. [...] Consider the evidence of reincarnation. Both Tonya Harding and Lee Harvey Oswald have the letters "Har" in their names. Both of their victims were Irish Catholics from Massachusetts whose last names began with the letters "Ke": John F. Kennedy and Nancy Kerrigan, and both were attacked in cities beginning with the letter "D": Dallas and Detroit. Time magazine also saw a connection in the assaults on Kerrigan and Kennedy. Margaret Carlson wrote in the February 21, 1994 issue, "The videocam verite of the clubbing [of Kerrigan] provides the same gritty realism that the Zapruder footage brought to Oliver Stone's JFK."

Turns out David Lynch isn't in on any conpsiracy. Or maybe he is. I can't quite tell:

"I waited for the show to eventually confirm my theory of spiritual ecoterrorism. Instead, the show [Twin Peaks] devolved into a routine soap opera. Had I read into the show a meaning that wasn't there? I came to another conclusion: The spiritual world is trying to send us messages through creative artists. Writers and artists are usually unaware of this process and do not understand the messages that are symbolically represented in their movies, TV shows, songs and other creative endeavors. Twin Peaks is but one example of this phenomenon. I would subsequently discover symbolic messages in the movies Independence Day and the 1982 remake of The Thing."

And finally... the truth behind why the "truthers" will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever get laid. ... Ever.

We dont want too many chicks in the [9/11 conspiracy theory] movement. They are alright to look at and play with but they dont have the necessary intelligence. They are also more open to the disinfo.

.... Enjoy your hand my friend.